Emo letter: Part 4

The letter, Illya n the Necklace

comments (on FS) but then you said..." ohh..I'll check later...cause i have to go offline to check..." Well it doesn't seem to be the case when your ex comments you...Your status was happily online when you commented him back...You have no idea how pissed i was...But what really pissed me off is that your comments (To him) sounds so regretful...always nice...like your the one at fault when actually he was (at fault for leaving you for no reason)...Seriously...two months with me...well for the first month ive been comforting you while the other being your bf...U SERIOUSLY STILL CAN'T FORGET BOUT THE GUY??!! ( Yea...i was really pissed at the time...now i know that its damn hard to forget about your first love...So if you are reading this...SORRY! For the 43rd time...) The way you talked last night was really hurtful(to me)...As if im just another rebound guy while he's your one and only love...So all the times you said you missed me and love me...was it a lie? Lies created out of sympathy? Well i don't need your sympathy...Seriously...if you love him that much, then you might as well break up with me...What's the point of having a relationship where i would forever feel like the third wheel?

Lastly, I wanna say that...Yes...I really truly love you with all my heart...I would even say that your my first true love...but if you still can't forget bout the past...I might as well move on without you...then staying in a one sided relationship....

Damn....i was quite pissed when i wrote this letter....haha...

What's funny was that....Yea she broke up with me...without me knowing about it...Cutting off all connection with me completely and suddenly telling people you were free from me...(As if i trapped her somehow.. -_-") ...Come on....break up properly lah...TALK TO ME! If you don't to stay a couple...fine...i can live with that...but suddenly wrote me off your life completely...refusing to see me after i basically begged Wafi to bring me to your house....That's another story...still praying everyday to talk bout what the hell happened and how you hate me so much after i basically did what you told me to...(not to contact her for a month...well a month and a week cause a week after the fight[the fight was on our 1st month anniversary] i called to apologised and the only thing she could do was mumble and say she's sleepy -_-" and the next day say that she's ignoring me longer)

Her: Poetry

This is a poem she wrote...She gave it to me when i was feeling really down and pathetic...My heart just melted when i read this...This was the moment when i really fell for her... =)

Impressions

Night by night
Day by day
Waiting for you is what im looking forward to
I sincerely thank you for being with me
Youve filled in the empty corners of my mind
The emptiness ive always been
The warmth you gave me opened my eyes to a new world
Youve rescued me from the shadows of past
Now all i can say is thank you

Emo letter: Part 3

HAHA! We just stared at each other...Smiling...Oh yea...All the toilets were closed and i really needed to go =P(Kinda random i know..haha) ...Then the call the Ngian was gonna pick you up...U were pissed...so was Wafi...Can see now that Wafi really hated that guy too...We waited outside...Chatting...Wafi wanted to me to take a pic of the poklens but didn't really happen...was too dark...hehe...but then i did take a surprise pic of you...you looked kinda pissed in that pic but still...cute.. =$ =) ...Ngian and ur mum arrived...you salam everyone but then when you picked up my hand...siap cium tangan lagi..to me...such a sweet ending to that day...

Now seriously, why have you changed? The only time we said we love each other is at the end of our convos... we dont even say we miss each other anymore... =( ...you started to treat me like any other guy...with your constant insults...a couple of times keep on callin me gay... -_-" ...yea funny at first but still when you keep on dragging it on...well it made me think...Do you really want me to be gay? I mean...then you would have a real good reason to dump me ^o)

Yesterday really hurts you know. Before, you expressed to me how much you hated him(Her ex) and not to search for his FS...I just said ok...but then yesterday I said i saw your comment to him...You kept on ngusuting...telling me to tell you the whole story(of how i suddenly know stuff about him)...When? How? Why? Told you he added me and gave you a comment...Then not long after that you said BRB...I thought you went to cry or something but then you came back and said you went to comment him back...What really pissed me off was that last time not long ago...3 days ago i think i said i gave you a few surprise (To be continued)...

Emo letter: Part 2

After ice-cream, we met back with Wafi n Hafiz...Chilling on the chair behind the cinema stairs..there you were putting your head on my shoulder...Then your uncle and aunty came. AHAHA! CUAK GLER! I tried to look innocent when you went "OH FUCK!" After the awkward salam2 with them, we went to watch Wafi and Hafiz playing rockband drums. Quite cool cause after that other random people started playing too =) Then i remembered you till wanted to hold my hand even though unc and aunt was like 10 feet away? HAHA. You said you don't care anymore cause now the secret is gonna be out. Then we bought popcorn and drinks... Wafi wanted two drinks so we bought him the two drinks. He was actually surprised that we did..hehe..Hanged around the stairs for a bit, met up with Bill N Bak... Bill actually asked if you were my gf...I said yes... =$ ...then off to the movie! I sat at the end, you were beside me,then Ijah, Hafiz n Wafi. The next two things im not sure which happened first... Me putting my arms on your shoulders or you (Censored for privacy =P) The movie haven't even started yet... =$ ...The movie was a blur really cause we started tangling legs, you taking my hand and caressing it against your soft cheeks...ur plump lips. I remembered (Sorry censored... XP) and you said it tickles =P ...But most of all i remembered most was the (*beep*) ...well more like 5-6 (*Beep*) ...i sucked at (*beep*) ...haha...Except the last one...which was long and sweet...Didn't catch the end of the movie cause of that =$ ...Cuak gler when they turned on the lights...(something something i wont write here =P) I'm pretty sure Wafi saw something but maybe its just me...Funny how Wafi was discussing bout the movie and we were REALLY blur....Especially when he wanted to talk bout the end...

Yea all the stuff i didn't put up...Don't think too much bout it yea....No...chances are its not what you think (Sick bastards) =P

Emo letter: Part 1

Well at one time i was really emo(a week after the break i think) and suddenly wrote this letter (well kind of a letter)...Wrote like 4 pages long...haha...it was right before i have my Calculus retest =P ...Ill divide it into 4 sections and probably gonna post it in the next 4 days or so...

Excuse the bad language(Mind wasn't thinking straight..haha..) and i might cut off some really private stuff that is supposed to be kept confidential between me n her (Paham2 lah =P)

Hey Lyn =). You know what? I can't take this anymore. All this time I thought that I made you happy. The time we met a Wafi's house. The first time i saw you, i actually ran back to Wafi's room. I was that scared! =)) Then decided to have a lil chat with ur sis[Ijah]...she told me to not break your heart. I thought, wow, your sister really cares about you. You must be someone really special to her. Hanged at Wafi's room, till we're forced out of the room. That's when i saw you. your love shaped face, fluffy black short hair, slightly pinkish face and luvly red lips. Your hands on the side of the sofa, looking down at something while listening to your mp3. You looked at me and smiled. It was a luvly smile. We went down, ate a bit, keeping contact to a minimum cause, i know,first time in a year since we looked at each other in the eyes. The rest of the night was pretty normal. Oh yea, Illya =D . She smelled so sweet[She sprayed her perfume on her] =) . Then off to the mall with the ustad[sending the ustad to the strawberry cake house]. It was funny when we reached the strawberry cake house, you and Ijah hid. Hilarious actually...we has a small chat...then reached the mall. Went to the cinema area first. Picked out 4bia. Waited in line while Wafi and his bro[Hafiz] went off to look for some games. Our turn to buy the tickets. I asked you to go but you pulled my arm to the counter. You have no idea how my heart jumped! =) After buying the tickets we decided to split, Me, U n Ijah, Wafi with Hafiz. Before we even reached the escalator you clinged to my arm. Again my heart jumped and it was beating faster than ever. Had fun talking, holding hands while we went to the video store, book store.. oh yea...we had gelato. You and Ijah had mint, i wanted yogurt but u said masam[Sour] so i took the peach instead. Oh yea...remember the two random dudes...how they tried every single flavor of gelato there is...haha...I liked how easy it was for you to have a convo with them. That exact time i thought...Damn...I'm lucky...

Feel the Muzic: Haruskah?

Di kala dikau mencari cinta
Aku memberi... tetapi tak pernah ku rasakan
Di kala aku dilamun cinta dengan dirimu
Mengapa kau jauh dariku


Tiada cinta di dalam dirimu
Biarpun kau kata baby I love you
Tidak kau rasa getaran ini
Tiada cinta lain sehebat cintaku


Haruskah aku menanti cinta ini
Kerna kau masih tak mengerti hatiku
Tak perlu kau ucap 'Baby I love you so'
Kerna cinta darimu tak sehebat cintaku


Haruskah aku menahan perasaan
Tak sanggup kau bermain di fikiranku
lupakan semua apa diimpikan
Jadikan pengalaman cinta, kita berdua


Setelah semuanya berlalu.... hatiku sepi
tapi ku harus hadapi
Hidup tanpa curahan cintamu

Love You Now

Up till now i still feel the same way...after all the crap i've been through...

I'm lovesick and she's sick of love...

I hate that i love her and she loves to hate me...

How messed up is that...I'm even wearing the necklace she gave me at this moment...I even have Illya (Lil cute teddy bear she gave me) right beside my bed...i really want to throw it away but i donnow...too sayang...

[/One Day/]

Her 2nd last msg to me

Well this was her 2nd last msg 2 me:

If you are jealous, you should have said so, in the first place. Im not trying to be cruel or anything, im taking a break. From this moment and on for about i dont know a month? Im not talking to you, i wont respond to you. I want to concentrate on things and i dont want you bugging my head. Im taking measures for what i called my fault.. Geez, we're on break from this moment and thats final. Ja ne.

A couple of contradictions there...for one she said that she's not trying to be cruel or anything like that by not responding to me for a month? Yea that's not cruel... -_-"

Another contradiction...If its her fault then how is it that I'm bugging her head?

Ok...if you want to end a relationship...do it properly....not suddenly out of the blue just cut off all connection without saying a word...seriously? who the hell does that?

Klau dah tawar hati ke, jeleous ke cakap je lah...buat orang tak puas hati je...

And you do know that this kind of thing will haunt u again and again...SO END IT ALREADY! THIS WILL NOT END UNTIL YOU TALK TO ME!

Journey to her house...

Well it was right after football funday at JIS(An annual event at my old school where teams kick a round ball into goal posts and see who wins... XP)...JIS team lost btw....HAHAHAHA! Oh yea back to my story...well...the Joga guys(One of those ball kicking teams) wanted to go eat at Giant so yea i went along...became their driver...well who cares...i like driving... =P

Yea...eat eat eat...then me n Wafi went of to Lyn's house...Why did i want to go to her house? Well a surprise visit...have her talk to me and tell me how the hell did i become her most hated person cuase im still blur up till now and end things properly if its the best....Wafi was forced to show me the way cause i brought him 10 packets of sour skittles...haha...bribing using skittles...oh yea... i bought a rose for Lyn beforehand at Giant...why? well cause i promised i would when i come back to Brunei...n a promise is a promise...she said that she liked roses that's red or black...but no black so red it is...

Well i parked the car right outside the house...Wafi wont come with me to see her cause he's afraid that she would kill him...haha...Dude...ur three times her size! But he was nice enough to messege her to ask if she was home...n she said she was so i asked Wafi to tell her to open the door and i left Wafi in the car with the nice cooling aircon on and walked to the front door... i waited n waited...i think 10 mins passed and i got a msg...from Wafi...it says " She wants you to get the fuck away :) I asked if she could at least have some humanity...hold on..."

So yea i held on...waited...n waited...then another msg "Dude she is seriously being hell to persuade. Just leave now...btw throw the rose into her balcony and yell sorry and its over and you wont see her again"..

So i msged hell no to Wafi cause ive been waiting so long for this....i even freekin drove to her house which is quite damn far away and he replied "No, she wants you to leave...like...get the fuck off leave. Just do what i told you to do. Add some drama to keep me interested"

Haha...yea...wanted to keep things interesting so i rang the doorbell twice...waited a bit and rang again....then someone opened the door...i asked if i could see Lyn...she said hold on n went upstairs...i decided to wait outside and came two little kids....Lyn's little bro n sis...quite cute...the sis keeps on skipping rope n the bro keeps on asking me "what's this? " pointing at the rose "what's this?" pointing at my watch "what's this?" pointing at my wallet in my pocket... =) ...i gave the rose to the lil bro and asked him to give it to Lyn...he went up and went back down and said he gave it to her...then the person came back down and said she wont come down...so i told her to pass a msg sayin that i was sorry(even thought i wasnt even sure what i was sorry for) and its been one month....

That night i got a comment from someone that Lyn gave the rose to her...haha...well at least she didnt burn it or something...

Fighting a losing battle...

Hey ,
what is this blog about? Well just me writing as much crap possible bout my messed up love life...hahaha...just expressing myself...well the real reason for me writing is because i want to be less dependant on a certain something that gives a short high feeling which feels so gooooood.....(No...not drugs.. =P) ...plus its another way for me to express my creative side...hahaha...so have fun...